Thursday, September 25, 2008

BEING IN TWENTIES - SOMETHING

It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing thatthere are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like.You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two,but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.
You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friendsthat you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people youhave ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the mostimportant ones. *What you don't recognize is that they are realizing thattoo, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are asconfused as you. ***You look at your job... and it is not even close to what you thought youwould be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that youare going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you.
Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and findyourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you havecertain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to yourlist of what is acceptable and what isn't. One minute, you are insecure andthen the next, secure.
You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone andscared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling onto the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is driftingfurther and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you areor move forward.
*You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do suchdamage to you*. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyonedecent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someonebut love someone else too and cannot figure out why you're doing thisbecause you know that you aren't a bad person. One night stands and randomhook ups start to look cheap. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot startsto look pathetic. *You go through the same emotions and questions over andover, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannotseem to make a decision*. You worry about loans, money, the future andmaking a life for yourself... and while winning the race would be great,right now you'd just like to be a contender!

2 comments:

Rohan Nigam said...

AH... are you alright??? Didn't see this coming from you! Great post.

Soujanya Vullam said...

amazingly intellectual..